So, the last few blog posts have been analogy's of "Walking Toward the Rain", then "Standing in the Rain", meaning walking toward the dream God has for me & Standing in the middle of the dream happening! (If you haven't already, go back & read those posts!)
Well, it's not all butterflies & roses doing your dream. I had a moment of "Wow!! I can't believe everything is happening and I actually get to do this dream that's been in my heart for over a year!" Then, The thunder rolled in the midst of the rain & the tone changed to fear & I thought "How am I going to do this?!?! Am I good enough?? How can I do this with kids?!" I had a panic moment that almost scared me away from what I was supposed to be doing. Most of it wrapped up in insecurity of "what are people going to think of me?" Or "who am I to think I can do something like this with 2 kids & do it well?" Especially in a season with a cranky toddler who is getting her 2 year old molars and testing me more than ever!
I'm telling you that voice of fear or the thunder can send you running, but you have to stand your ground in the midst of fear & DO IT AFRAID.
You see I'm not new to this concept of doing things Afraid. In fact, most of my music "career" has been BIG opportunities that I said yes to even though I was afraid & felt small & insignificant, but you know what? I did them! I didn't let my fear stop me!! Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's doing it in spite of being afraid!!
It's not easy though. The process can be grueling. For this I am constantly in prayer, surrendering my fears to the one that brings the rainbow 🌈 in the midst of the rain. God is true to His word & I have to TRUST His promises are true. That "He'll never leave or forsake me." That "He knows the plans He has for me.." Also, remembering the words that He's spoken over me & holding tight to them.
I had the most incredible experience at church on Sunday that is like a crazy full circle moment. Hang with me as I describe this crazy/cool God Story!
Me & my hubby Brett were at our Church Jesus Culture Sacramento & worshipping & all of a sudden Brett leaned over to me & started praying for me. He told me he saw a picture of my music being like a Joshua Tree in the Desert. Cool & Unique, like how people come from all over to just take pictures of these unique trees. They also THRIVE even in the desert because their root system is very extensive... Remember my desert picture of me walking through the desert toward the rain?! I resonated with that picture so well!
Also, When we in SoCal visiting friends a year ago, we pulled over to the side of the road to take pictures of the Joshua trees in the Mojave Desert! They were so cool & we were just captivated by them & kept looking up facts about them. At the time, I was reading my pastors book "ROOTED" & he talks about thriving no matter what season you're in because you are rooted in Jesus. That rooted people have extensive Root Systems with Jesus.
Get Banning's Book "Rooted" here 👇🏻
http://jesusculture.com/rootedbook/
All of that came back to my memory as Brett shared this picture with me!!
As Dean, one of our pastors got up to share the message, he told his story about dealing with disappointment in his life in ministry & his dreams. Me and Brett resonated with everything he was saying! He shared a verse out of PSALM 107:4 that leapt off the page at me.. IT WAS TALKING ABOUT THE DESERT.
"Some of you wandered for years in the desert,
looking but not finding a good place to live,
Half-starved and parched with thirst,
staggering and stumbling, on the brink of exhaustion.
*THIS PART THOUGH 😭* --> Then, in your desperate condition, you called out to God.
He got you out in the nick of time;
He put your feet on a wonderful road
that took you straight to a good place to live.
So thank God for his marvelous love,
for his miracle mercy to the children he loves.
He poured great draughts of water down parched throats;
the starved and hungry got plenty to eat."
Listen to the message here 👇🏻
https://jesusculture.com/sacramento/podcast/?listen=freedom-from-disappointment
Me and Brett went up to Dean to talk to him after the message & encourage him about how much his message spoke to us. We shared our story of disappointment of how we both gave up our dreams but how God has been giving us NEW dreams even in a desert season.
Not even a second later, I turn to leave & a woman is standing in front of me & she says "Hi! You don't know me, but I felt like God gave me a word for you!" Shocked, I said "ok.." she went on and said "I feel like God has placed a music & creative gifting in you & he wants to bless & use it!" -- I immediately broke down in tears! I told her, "thank you so much, you don't even know what that means to me! I'm a singer/songwriter & just started recording an EP & I've been really scared & that just means so much!!"
Can we all just say, "WOW."
I've never seen something spoken a year ago, come so full circle! I mean, I'm such a doubter, but now I don't know if I can doubt anymore! 😆
I think that's the thing you have to cling on to in the midst of fear. Not your insignificance & how small you feel, but HOW BIG God is!
But also, I think we don't really step into our power because WE DON'T KNOW WHO we are & WHOSE we are.
Gideon in the Old Testament was instructed to defeat an army of over 100,000 with 300 men. 😳 He was freaked out (as anyone would be!). But God let Gideon peek into the enemy camp to listen in on what they were saying about Gideon's army. And guess what?!?! The enemy was terrified because GOD was on their side!! That encouraged Gideon to know it was going to be ok! And guess what?!?! Gideon's army won & they didn't even have to fight! The Enemy army ended up turning on itself!
What if we realized WHO we are and WHOSE we are? What if we realized the enemy is scared to death of us walking out in our dreams because he knows how powerful we are? The thunder is just a scare tactic, but we can't let it scare us away from our dream!!
We have to remember God is on our side! That He is our strength when we are weak & faithful to His promises!
So, Dream Afraid. Conquer fear. Know WHO you are and WHOSE you are! You are more powerful than you know!!
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Update!!
I just got some DEMO'S that my producer Jeffrey Kunde is working on & I'm SO Excited you guys!!! It had my parents crying within seconds of hearing & just really moving in general. This is going to be big & hit hearts, I just know it! 💓🎶🎉👏😭💕✨
